Egg Hunting
by bowtiesandredhair
Summary: In honor of Easter, the Doctor arranges a vivid Easter egg hunt for Amy. Though there are bound to be some glitches to his game.


"Doctor, I don't really feel up to anything today."

Amy Pond wearily watched her raggedy man dash and slide and twirl dramatically around the console as his flailing hands found each whirring lever and squeaking knob. With a grand motion, he set off a pair of loud speakers and she groaned, covering her ears from the rock music that seemingly blared at her from every direction.

"Can't it just be a quiet, peaceful day?"

"_Tedious!_" He protested loudly with that wide, child-like smile. "If you're going to do something, _celebrate_, or have some sort of out-of-the-hat shindig-", She shook her head as she saw him quietly snort from the feel of the odd word. "You have to do it_ right_, Pond!"

Amy grumbled, and with a determined stride over to him, she scanned the levers in search of the music's off-switch. "Then turn down the bloody garbage!" Her eyebrows darted up as she spotted the knob, yet he quickly slapped her hand away as she darted for it.

"_Insulting!_" He swooped around behind her and with a brisk whisper of, "We're going to have an Easter egg hunt, and you're not to be a Debbie downer." He shoved her across the glass floor and she dejectedly toppled to sit on one of the chairs.

"Do you actually have a place in mind, or are all your grand gestures just for show until you mention we've already landed?"

The Doctor paused a moment, with an innocent expression, and his eyes quickly drifted back down. "I don't know what you're referring to, Pond."

She lightly shook her head, "You did the same thing when you took me to ride on the backs of giant Koi fish off of Nectsis Eight. You spent ten whole minutes twirling about like a ballerina, yet when I went over to the doors, and opened them, we were already on the water-engulfed planet."

He somewhat pouted, glancing his bright, green eyes up at her, "Perhaps I was trying to bore you before I amazed you."

"Who ever said you've been successful at amazing me?" uttered Amy flatly, although in the back of her mind, she sadistically enjoyed having him believe her entirely obvious lies.

His pout descended further and he returned to stare at the same spot on the console, "You were supposed to say I never bore you."

She shrugged, mostly to bat off the internal smile that slowly started to encroach on her face, "I can't lie, now can I?"

"I suppose if you don't _want _to do an Easter egg hunt," He anxiously scratched his head. "I shan't make you."

Her brows furrowed critically, "Who says 'shan't'?"

The Doctor twirled to her, "I say 'shan't'!" His defensive outburst made her faintly flinch. "And I say 'shindig', and sometimes, although rarely, unless the situation warrants it, I say 'yowza', and 'geronimo', and 'shenanigans'. They're fun words that take the rigid speakings and add colorful confetti of pleasant diversity to common sentences." He darted his head back to the levers, "And you never used to mind before." He muttered bitterly.

As his mouth stressfully contorted in itself, she slowly walked over to him, and playfully shoved her elbow into his arm, "Untangle your braces, Doctor. I love your words." She leaned her head to catch his eyes, yet he turned away and continued pouting.

"Don't flatter me."

"I'm not particularly known for flattery, Doctor."

He nonchalantly shrugged, "Well, you _were _a kissogram."

"Oh, shut your face. You're an 1100-year old flirt."

"I am _not_!" He gasped, quickly darting away from her, yet she trailed behind him as he marched around the console.

Amy sighed at his innocent attitude, "_Yes_, you are."

"_No._"

"'Fraid so, Doctor."

He shook his head, and flailed his arms in emphasis, "I'm _not_ like _that_, I _already_ told you-"

"You're _not_ Gandalf!"

"Of course not! I said space Gan—"

"You're not even that." Amy shook her head quickly and they both paused with that faint thrill of arguing in their eyes as the rock music continued to pulse in the background. "Now are we going to go on this Easter egg hunt or not?"

"Don't make it sound boring."

"I didn't."

"You _did_."

She scoffed and tossed her hands up in the air, "Let's go on our _super cool_ Easter egg hunt, because _literally _my entire life has been _existing _for this exact moment."

The Doctor stepped back to the array of levers, and muttered, "I don't appreciate your sarcasm."

Immediately, she crossed her arms, "You don't appreciate a lot of things."

An accusing finger darted up at her, and he somewhat glared, "You don't appreciate _anything_!"

For a split second, she could see the thrill in his eyes from their fighting, yet it was quickly buried underneath, what she believed to be, the hollow insult he took. "Well, if only I was shown things worth appreciating." Amy shrugged.

"_That's _it." The Doctor spoke with a loud voice as he reached and flicked off the music that had added an antagonizing depth to their shouting. "Hidden about are eleven Easter eggs. Inside each egg will be a clue to the next. The first is in this console room." He quickly glanced down at his sleeve and smoothed it back to reveal a contraption that was strapped around his wrist, poking and prodding at the various dials. "The game stops when you find all of them. Here." He slipped his hand inside of his coat and tossed her his sonic screwdriver. "You'll only have two helpers. The sonic, and the TARDIS."

With a confused expression, she lightly shook her head, "Wha-"

His hand darted up to stop her, "Now, the TARDIS can't reveal any clues or hints that could possibly compromise each individual location, but she'll take you where you'll need to go. She's good about that."

"Doctor—"

"Buh-buh." He darted his hand up to her face again and slowly smiled, "We both orchestrated this entire event, planned each intricate step, but there is one extremely very important rule. Possibly the singularly important rule of the entire universe." She watched silently as he paused for some sort of dramatic effect, raising his wrist up to his chest and hovering his hand over the small screen that was tethered to it. "Enjoy the ride."

Immediately, his pointed finger darted down and his body scattered into trickling lightning and fading smoke. She swallowed nervously, and stood a bit dumbfounded for a few long moments. It wasn't until the TARDIS released a startling purr that she darted back to reality and stuttered her thoughts about.

"W-What was it he said?" She murmured to herself, hesitantly glancing around the doodads and knickknacks that stuck out scattered around the console. "He said the first was in here..?"

Amy huffed a sigh, and slowly began walking across the glass floor, switching from squinting down at the circular dark pits that rested underneath, to staring wide-eyed at the reflective copper walls, to having an odd mixture of the two towards the large and tiny cavities that hid behind the more flamboyant levers and knobs.

"I wouldn't say that's much of a clue. Then again," Her eyes trailed up each impossible crevice until they were all her attention could focus on, "If it's a sucky clue that means, or at least I would think, that the egg is quite in the open. But then that's easy, so it must be.." The thought trailed off as she turned and paused with a somewhat dropped jaw, staring at the console in disbelief. "I want to ask 'why', but then again, where has that ever gotten me before?"

She quickly shook her head at her own narrating, though she felt there was something odd in the air that was causing her to. "Some sort of thoughtless gibberish gas?" Amy shook her head again, "Then again, third grade, I always got so nervous and whenever that happened, I didn't know when to shut up. _Damn_, I thought that had gone away. Though clearly not, because I can't seem to stop talking. But it can't really be my fault. 'Let's have an Easter egg hunt', he says. 'It'll be fun', he says. All the while he's smirking inside because he put the _first bloody egg_," She paused for an angered inhale as her arm darted to the time rotor. "in the w-whooshing thing, and how the hell am I supposed to get it out?" Amy flailed her arms around, believing he was watching her still, and the way she could just picture him getting off on it all, _oh, _she knew he was. "Well, Doctor? Have you had your fun yet, or are you going to give me more of a hint?"

She crossed her arms at the silence, and released an exasperated huff. "_Fine_. On my own, am I?" Amy pursed her lips together thoughtfully, "If I was the Doctor, how would I get the egg out of the whooshing thing?" She scoffed, mindlessly fiddling and tossing the sonic up and down in her palm, "Well, I wouldn't have put it in the whooshing thing to begin with. So either it's not in the whooshing thing, which means it's some sort of illusion, or you—er, _he _decided to actually be that ridiculous and found some sort of loophole-" Suddenly she rammed the sonic into her forehead and groaned, "And oh, _please _just shut me up. But then again, maybe talking it out will help me solve it, that or give him warning to switch it before I can figure it out." Her eyes aimlessly darted across the room, until finally she walked over and slouched in one of the chairs. "You sort of gave me no warning, can I at least have _something_?"

There was a few moments of silence, and as she slowly began to close her eyes, a sound of scattering static trickled in front of her, and she hesitantly leaned forward to the transparent image of the Doctor.

"Interface enabled." It said monotonously. "Amy Pond, under the assumption of your short-temper and shorter attention span—"

"_Hey.._" yet her protest petered out at the knowing look it gave.

"The Doctor arranged three emergency hints you may access at any point during the hunt."

A faint smile spread across her face, "_Awesome. _For each egg, yeah?"

"_No._" It bore an amused expression, yet it flickered off as she began to pout, shaking its head critically at her, "They're arranged as your lifelines, you may ask and have answered only three inquiries for the entire duration. They have also been previously designed."

"But how is that possible when I haven't even asked my questions yet?"

The interface tilted its head curiously, "You may only access your hints by saying, '_Access hint_'."

Amy sighed, "_Fine. _Access hint."

It flickered and resumed its monotonous behavior, "'_It is wise not to access hints on the first egg, Pond.'_"

"You're kidding me." She muttered. "_That's _the hin-and wait, you said they were previously recorded." Her head darted up at the ceiling and she thrust an angry fist in the air, "Oi, what the _hell _kind of hint is that, then? You just wanted to feel all 'Doctor-y' with your stupid moronness, yeah? Is that it?"

"Parting note." stated the interface, and she looked to it with a frustrated smile, "_This is designed to test your ability to deduce between simple and difficult and then the reality of deciphering the solution for each._"

"I thought this was a _game._"

As it opened its mouth to speak, the interface suddenly disappeared into the air with a static-y flicker and she hung her head and grumbled. Once again, after a few long moments, the TARDIS loudly purred her back into consciousness, and absentmindedly staggered towards the console.

"What is it?" She quietly asked, with a tad sound of irritation. "You know how to get it out?"

The TARDIS purred again, this time softly, and the keys on the typewriter beside her began to clacker for her attention. She slid over to it and watched as three keys were firmly pressed down and a word appeared on the blank page.

_Yes._

"How, then?"

The keys lightly rattled in place, almost indecisively, until nine were pressed firmly down and the ink bled through, forming two words.

_Ask nicely._

Amy self-consciously shuffled in place, taking a quick glance behind her and slowly looked back to the typewriter. "Er, _please_?"

_You can do better than that._

She lightly scoffed, yet quickly swallowed whatever defiant outburst came up in her head, "If you could show me how to get the egg out of the whooshing thing, that'd be…." Amy paused a moment, anxiously feeding a strand of hair behind her ear, and sighed. "_sexy_."

The TARDIS chirped flirtatiously.

_And you said you weren't known for flattery._

There was a faint laugh that went past her lips as she thought of all the times she somewhat seduced someone with her 'flattery', though reality and for arguments sake, she buried them back in her head, "I'm not."

_No need to lie. The Doctor can't hear you._

"Really?" Amy asked almost desperately, quickly clearing her throat and layering her tone with indifference and she carelessly shrugged. "So he's not off in some room watching of all this?"

The typewriter paused a moment, until suddenly the time rotor began rising and falling, with the egg floating around inside of it.

She stared at it intriguingly, "Looks like it's in water, the way it's just moving about in there."

_Point the sonic probe at the time rotor._

Amy did as she was told, and held the screwdriver steady, glancing to the clackering keys as more set off into words.

_Hold out your other hand and activate the sonic probe._

As she reached out her left hand, and opened her palm, she felt something rushing towards her, with a frantic face and flailing arms. She disregarded it and the green illumination of the screwdriver faintly reflected off the glass.

Suddenly, Amy felt fire in her left hand, and before she could even register it, she tossed the egg against the console as her legs slipped out from under her.

There was an echoing sound of weight falling to the glass floor, and in the same moment she collapsed, she felt herself jolt up back on her feet and she stared half-blind, and partially dazed at the oval-shaped burn mark that stung like hell in her hand.

She cringed at the charred flesh and the smell of it and she glanced to where the egg landed. Conveniently, cradled on top of the typebars. The paper had folded over from the disturbance of the egg's weight and the series of sentences, which Amy had to blink hard a few times before she started to make the words out.

_Oh, and watch out for the temporal energy_

_It will probably burn through your human skin_

_It is the intensity of which the egg was exposed to_

_Though the Doctor did layer it with a sealant_

_But the time it took you to figure out where and how_

_I am sure it has weakened it exponentially _

_Wait_

_Stray?_

_Are you there, stray?_

_Oh, I see_

_You are on the floor_

_This is only partially my fault_

_Orangey girl?_

_Oh, finally_

_You are conscious now_

_Stop reading this_

_No, you are still reading it_

_Stray, you have the first egg now_

_The clue is hidden inside it_

_Stop reading this_

_Stray_

_Oh wait_

_You are not conscious yet_

_How long does this take?_

_There we are_

_Finally_

_Hurry up, stray_

_Yes, your hand is severely burned_

_Look over here_

_Yes, there is the egg_

_Now open it_

_Stop reading this_

"You're quite the talker when you want to be." murmured Amy, quietly groaning as she closed her wounded hand tightly and with the other, plucked the egg up off the typebars.

With her thumb, she popped the surprisingly plastic egg open and fished the small slip of paper out. "This is it?" She muttered, spreading her fingers across it and squinting hard against her impaired vision. "_You see everything I despise, when you look it in the eye."_

Amy wobbled to lift her head up towards the monitor and she swallowed strangely at the sickening feeling that began brewing in the pit of her stomach. "Well, what does _that _mean?"

Before she could glance down at the typewriter, the throttle and the TARDIS thrust downward, throwing her backwards against the metal railings and with another loud screech, it shook violently as it leapt towards its next destination.

* * *

"Well, what are we doing _here_?" Amy turned her head back inside of the TARDIS as she stood halfway past the doors. The pain and dizziness of her burned hand had subsided, although faintly. She looked back out at the abandoned building and scoffed to herself. "I'm not going in there."

Without any indication, the TARDIS shifted itself, and the fall tossed her out, toppling on the ground as the sonic screwdriver flung and hit her in the back of the head. The doors quickly slammed shut. Amy grumbled, and wiped the dirt from her face, "Fine, then."

She pulled herself up on her feet, and yawned, marching towards the deserted building that sat in the middle of several giant mounds of dirt. Before she could bring a fist up to bang a nonchalant knock on the front door, the sound of something mechanical came up from behind her.

"_WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE?_" screeched the voice, and the familiar pitch caused her heart to throb through her chest.

She decided on slowly turning around to it, (she had already played in her head what would happen if she darted her head back for a validating glance and immediately trying to run off) and her fears were confirmed as she stared down the eyestalk of the alien creature.

"_IDENTIFY YOURSELF._" screeched the Dalek, yet before she could even mustered a terrified plea, something caught her attention and inadvertently relaxed her.

"_You _identify _yourself_." She said absently, still staring at the top of its head.

"_I DO NOT REQUIRE ANY PROOF OF IDENTIFICATION. I AM AUTHORIZED AS A SENTRY TO PROTECT THE WAREHOUSE."_

Amy lightly shook her head, _"_Yeah, you just identified yourself."

"_I DI—-YOU ARE REQUIRED TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF._" It stated, with a bit of bumbling irritation.

"Are you going to kill me?" Her eyes finally glanced down from its head, and looked it in the eye rather expectantly.

"_YOUR ONLY VIOLATION IS UNAUTHORIZED TRESPASSING. I AM ONLY GRANTED THE OBLIGATION TO EXTERMINATE IF YOU HAVE COMMITED AN UNJUST MURDER AND ARE A THREAT TO THIS ESTABLISHMENT."_

"Thought so." She murmured, glancing back to the top of its head. "You've got somethin' on your head."

It paused a moment, focusing its eye on her face, in search of any physical signs of deceit and hesitantly it replied. "_WHAT IS IT?"_

Amy frowned, "Looks like a bug."

Suddenly, the Dalek released a frantic screech as it turned its head around in desperate circles, "_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!_"

With a stifled laugh, she leapt towards it and placed a comforting hand on its whisk-like gun, "Calm down, I was only joking." As it stopped, it turned its head to catch Amy staggering up on it.

"_WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_"

"I'm short, I have to climb up on you a bit if you want it off."

"_THIS IS QUITE AWKWARD._" It uttered quietly.

"Stop being a baby."

"_YOU ARE A HUMANOID. YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE BEING COMPARED TO A HUMANOID INFANT._"

She shoved her elbow down on its eyestalk for balance and stretched her arm over to the centre of its head, as far as it would reach, "Which should tell you something, you think?"

"_I DO NOT APPRECIATE THAT ACCUSATION."_

Her fingertips lightly touched it and wormed it into her palm, _"_Hush up, I got it." Amy slid off its side and smiled down at the egg marked _Two_.

"_THAT IS A REPLICA OFA GALLUS G—"_

"Yeah, yeah." She patted it on the shoulder. "It's a plastic egg."

"_YOU STATED IT WAS AN INSECT_."

"Well, I had to be sure that you believed you were a sentry bot," She murmured as she popped it open and smoothed her thumb across the scrap of paper. "And not a Dalek."

"_REPEAT!_"

Her eyes darted up to meet its eye as it began to violently shake in place. "I-I meant, _if _you were a Dalek." She said quickly. "But clearly, you're just a sentry."

"_D-DALEK._" it repeated.

"_N-No, no_." Amy continued to sidestep in front of its view. "_Sentry_, y-you're a guard."

"_I FEEL IT…I-I FEEL…_"

With a quick step, she turned around and clawed up a clump of dirt in her hand. "Hey, look."

Its head trailed her arm as the handful of dirt sprinkled against the door, and it whipped its head back to her, "_WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_"

Amy anxiously scratched her head, and motioned back to the door, "I just vandalized this property, and that's bad and in violation of code…."

"_CODE 2909.05._"

She nodded somewhat frantically, "That's right, and I did it. So you have to…..kill me?"

It paused a moment, and she could see its eye slowly focus around her face once more, "_INCORRECT. YOUR VIOLATIONS ARE UNAUTHORIZED TRESPASSING, MILD ATTEMPT AT VANDALISM, AND LYING TO AN OFFICAL SENTRY. ALL ARE MINOR AND WERE COMMITTED BY A HUMANOID WITH NO KNOWN PREVIOUS CRIMINAL RECORD. YOU SHALL BE EXEMPT FROM THESE VIOLATIONS AS LONG AS YOU VOW TO NEVER TREPASS HERE AGAIN."_

There was a faint smile on her face as it turned its head and began to drive past her. "You were fun." She murmured with a little wave to it, and looked back at the TARDIS that still stood waiting for her.

Unbeknownst to her, it suddenly paused and slightly turned its head to watch her walk through the TARDIS doors. "_I…..ENJOYED YOUR COMPANY AS WELL._"

As she trotted up the stairs, she twirled around the console and smoothed the paper in front of her face, "_Eighteen of these reside, but in which does the next one hide?_" She grumbled, glancing over the typewriter and its fresh, blank page. "He thinks it's amusing if he can make 'em rhyme, doesn't he?"

_There's a reason I call him my beautiful idiot_


End file.
